Your nervous system is constantly absorbing information about the environment around you, so it can adapt and keep you safe. In stressful situations, particularly if the stress is ongoing, it prepares you to survive by creating coping responses. Unfortunately, these are not always positive, as your frontal cortex is offline and these responses are often not conscious or logical,  Particularly younger children react rather than act; thus, the behaviour is often not intentional.  Whats more, once things settle, the child may be completely confused about what happened or that anything is wrong.  Asking the question "why did you do that?" will no doubt get the response of "I dont know" because they most likely dont!

If anyone endures an ongoing trauma or sense of chaos, it may not be comfortable, healthy or safe, however, it is predictable and they know what to expect! This is often why so many people stay in toxic, unsafe or problematic relationships; because they are predictable! Change isn't! For children, particularly, leaving this relationship or environment may not feel safe or comfortable and without support may seek to create that predictable environment by acting out, becoming argumentative, becoming violent or running away. They may also become distressed and/or withdraw, leaving you wondering why they are not thriving. 

Often children who live in Out of Home Care struggle so much, despite all the best intentions of their carers.  This often results in placement breakdowns and multiple homes for these kids.  This sadly reinforces the belief they are unlovable and the cycle continues.

It takes patience, and understanding to support these children, and often counselling, to help them with this transition, so their nervous systems can adapt to their new environments. If parents or carers have been through similar trauma and/or chaos they may find it difficult to support their children in the way they may want to. Reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.