Parental separation can feel very scary, overwhelming and stressful, but there are lots of services and resources to help support you and/or your child through this.
Bringing Your Child to Therapy After Separation
Parental separation/divorce where the issues are irreconcilable and/or abusive is often the necessary choice and can avoid many negative outcomes for your children. However, it has a significant impact on children. In the short term, this includes the initial traumatic events around separation and adjusting to the changed living arrangements. Not surprisingly, parental separation is linked to multiple negative outcomes for children, including psychological adjustment, academic performance, behavioural disorders, self-concept, and social adjustment.
Most kids of divorce grow up to be just fine, and 70% of risk factors are either preventable or modifiable. To mitigate this risk and guide a child’s healthy development, many parents may call upon the support of a psychologist or other therapist to support their child and family. Ideally, this would be a shared parental decision, but sometimes it happens that one parent acts unilaterally, with the objection (or lack of awareness) of the other parent. There can be many questions and uncertainty around bringing your child to therapy, so hopefully, this will put your mind at ease by clarifying the ethical and legal safeguards the psychologist operates within.
WHAT WILL THE PSYCHOLOGIST DO?
Involving a psychologist for a brief or extended period in the life of your child is a great way to check that all their developmental, social, and emotional needs are being met, across all homes, and across contact with all caregivers. The psychologist will use their clinical skills, knowledge, tools, and assessments to:
Collect adequate information to inform their opinion and treatment plan, including (where appropriate) seeking the attending parent’s permission to contact the child’s school/daycare, AND – of course – the other parent.
Build an informed opinion on the developmental, social and emotional needs of your child.
Look for where and how these needs are being met, and any areas where your child could do with more support or development.
Draw upon up-to-date research and best practice guidelines on child attachment, development, family dynamics, the impact of family violence and abuse, mental health of family members, and children’s views to design and implement interventions that support the healthy development of your child.
Cease their service if no treatment is found to be warranted or when treatment goals are met.
AM I ALLOWED TO TAKE MY CHILD TO A PSYCHOLOGIST WITHOUT MY EX-PARTNER’S CONSENT/KNOWLEDGE?
It largely depends on the terms of your separation, particularly any parenting orders. Whilst the consent and involvement of both parents is usually desirable, there is no legal or ethical imperative on the psychologist to contact the other parent before commencing a therapeutic relationship with the child. The psychologist is legally and ethically permitted to assume, prior to the first appointment, that the parent making the appointment has the authority and consent to do so.
It is reasonable to expect that the psychologist will, at the first appointment, clarify any parenting orders and parenting responsibilities, and determine whether it is legal, ethical or appropriate to continue with sole-parent consent. The psychologist must weigh the benefits and risks to your child in proceeding with sole-parent consent. Where a psychologist determines that it would not be in the best interests of the child to involve the other parent, they may legally and ethically document their reason and proceed with sole-parent consent. In this instance, under a psychologist’s ethical guidelines, they are not permitted to confirm or deny to you whether your child is a client at their practice.
“In the absence of consent by the client-parent and the young person for disclosure of information to the other parent and in the event that the other parent seeks information about the psychological service provided to the young person, psychologists have a duty to protect the confidentiality of the young person, which includes refraining from acknowledging whether or not a psychological service has been provided.”
APS Ethical guidelines for working with young people, s8.2, underlined emphasis added.
However, the guidelines also direct the psychologist to assess at intake the appropriateness of advising each parent in the therapeutic process:
“In circumstances where the young person’s parents are separated, the psychologist clarifies with the client-parent and the young person at the outset of a psychological service the level of any potential involvement of the other parent and what, if any, information is to be disclosed to the other parent, and the possible consequences on non-disclosure”
APS Ethical guidelines for working with young people, s8.1, underlined emphasis added
From the beginning, the psychologist will talk with you about involving the other parent in therapy and the associated risks and benefits. In the majority of families, this may mean that a Psychologist’s first action after the initial appointment(s) will be to contact the other parent and invite them to participate.
It is in children’s best interests for their long-term health and well-being, including their capacity to recognise and build healthy friendships and romantic attachments, that any contact difficulties with regards to an “unfavoured parent” be satisfactorily resolved. Thus, the psychologist is obligated to look for every opportunity to support the healthy development of your child, including, wherever possible, a healthy relationship with both parents. If you are (rightly or wrongly) concerned that your ex-partner is attempting to alienate you or build an unfair and/or untrue case against you, you or your ex-partner will not find a complicit co-conspirator in a psychologist.
WHAT IF MY EX-PARTNER CONTACTS THE PSYCHOLOGIST TO EXPRESS THAT THIS IS NOT A JOINT DECISION, AND THAT THEY DO NOT CONSENT TO THE TREATMENT OF OUR CHILD?
There are many concerns that can arise from either parent about their child engaging in therapy, i.e.
The other parent will give a false account about me
They or I don’t think my child needs treatment
The other parent is seeking to alienate me
The other parent will punish the child for talking about them in therapy
It’s the behaviour of the other parent that is causing the “problems”
The other parent will “coach” the kids in what to say
These concerns are all understandable, depending on the context of the separation between you and your co-parent. Psychologists are trained to hold multiple hypotheses about your child’s context, including what has caused and maintains your child’s (stated) presenting issue. There are many complex assessment skills your psychologist has had significant training and supervision in, they do not simply take on the perspective of the presenting client and parent. If your child’s psychologist identifies that your ex-partner is intentionally or unintentionally seeking to paint you in a poor light, alienate you, or in other way discredit you, this will be noted and addressed with that parent. If it is parental behaviours of the ex-partner that are “causative”, then the psychologist will either assist that parent to use different skills and behaviours or refer that parent to a suitably qualified colleague. If the psychologist assesses that your child does not need treatment, treatment will cease.
The psychologist is interested in assisting your child as much as possible to have a healthy relationship with BOTH parents.
MY EX-PARTNER STILL OBJECTS, SHOULD THE PSYCHOLOGIST CANCEL MY CHILD’S APPOINTMENT IF THEY DON’T GIVE CONSENT?
Ethically, the psychologist is always guided by what is in the best interests of the child, so the psychologist must determine the risks and benefits of proceeding without both parents’ consent. If the risks to the child outweigh the benefits, the attending parent will be advised that treatment cannot go ahead unless issues of consent are resolved. However, the psychologist is unable to form this opinion without, at the very least, meeting with the parent who has scheduled the initial appointment.
AM I ENTITLED TO READ MY CHILD’S NOTES? SHOULD I SUBPOENA MY CHILD’S NOTES?
Psychologists have the responsibility to maintain client confidentiality, even where the client is a child, as part of their ethical standards, clinical practice, and professional licensing regulations. There are limits to this confidentiality
any legal and other limits to confidentiality, such as:
if there is a risk of harm to an identifiable person or persons that can be averted only by disclosing information
a legal obligation to provide the information, which might include a parent’s legal capacity to seek access to a young person’s health records, dependent on relevant state, territory and federal privacy and health records laws (refer to Section 3.3.)
responding to a subpoena
Family Court and any other court orders
APS Ethical guidelines for working with young people s6.1
Please carefully consider the impact on your child of subpoenaing their file notes. Confidentiality, particularly for children, is a vital ethical principle and crucial for the therapeutic relationship, their development, and self-determination through increasing autonomy. The therapy space is where your child can explore their concerns and fears and feel heard and supported, without the fear of upsetting parents or getting into trouble. This increases the therapeutic process as well as future help-seeking behaviours.
When their confidentiality is breached, children can feel anger, resentment, sadness and a reluctance to share their feelings and thoughts with others in the future.
Your child’s psychologist will carefully balance any feedback to you with your child's need for confidentiality. Any detailed feedback or sharing of information discussed in sessions will be done with the informed consent of your child unless they are developmentally incapable of understanding.
If a child is capable of consenting to treatment, section 7 provides that their parent may not access the child’s information or file without the child’s express authority. An individual is incapable of doing an act authorised, permitted or required by this Act if the individual is incapable (despite the provision of reasonable assistance by another person) by reason of age, injury, illness, physical or mental impairment of: (a) understanding the general nature and effect of the act, or (b) communicating the individual’s intentions with respect to the act.
APS Ethical guidelines for working with young people Appendix 1
TIPS FOR CONTACTING THE PSYCHOLOGIST?
The psychologist is well aware of their legal and ethical obligations. This means it is unlikely they are operating in a way that deliberately makes either parent’s life difficult.
Thus
If you have concerns, be polite when you raise them. It doesn’t help to start a conversation by accusing the psychologist of unethical, uneducated, or biased behaviour. The psychologist will be making an assessment of both parents based on how each represents themselves, assuming they want to help you and listen to you.
A polite, brief email is likely to help the time-poor psychologist rather than an unsolicited phone call.
It is appropriate to politely check (if you’re concerned) that the psychologist has all relevant information (e.g. court orders; court reports that they have permission to read).
SUMMARY
If you or your ex-partner decides to take your child to a psychologist, in most circumstances, this should be done with joint consent. However, depending on the Parenting Orders or the other parent’s concerns about risk to your child, they may do so with single-parent consent.
The psychologist will work in the best interests of the child at all times and will be guided by a clear Code of Ethics and associated Guidelines.
In some circumstances, the psychologist cannot cancel or cease treatment at the request of a non-consenting parent, and may not even be permitted to confirm or deny that appointments have been made. However, in this case, the parent can politely advise the psychologist that they do not consent, and the psychologist will discuss this with the co-parent and incorporate this information in their overall assessment.
A non-consenting parent may wish to discuss with their lawyer the legal implications of advising their non-consent.
If the attending parent and child do not consent to disclosing information to the other parent, the psychologist is obligated to discuss the possible implications of this with the attending parent and child (if appropriate) prior to agreeing to provide a psychological service, and may indeed decide not to provide treatment when disclosure is not agreed to. There are many factors the psychologist will consider in making this decision, and paramount in all of those is what is in the best interests of your child.
The psychologist is legally obliged to maintain your child’s confidentiality.
In summary, a psychologist's involvement in a child's life is guided at all times by what is in the best interests of that child. Assuming this is your base position, too, then you and the psychologist are already on the same team, and they will very much value and rely upon your willingness to participate in the process. Your child stands to benefit a great deal when both parents can co-parent from the same page, even if the only remaining bond between you is the child you’re both raising.
Estimating the Epidemiology and Quantifying the Damages of Parental Separation in Children and Adolescents (2016). Seijo et al.,
An overview of the risks and protectors for children of separation and divorce. Presentation to Family, Children and Youth Section Department of Justice (2002), S. C., Jenkins, J. M.
A Matter of Trust: Confidentiality in Therapeutic Relationships during Psychological and Medical Treatment in Children and Adolescents with Mental Disorders. Kafka et al., (2024),
Code of ethics (2007). Australian Psychological Society.
Ethical Guidelines: Young people (2018). Australian Psychological Society.
Family Law Act 1975 (Cth)